I need direction, I feel stuck. I've been juggling with new ideas and dreams and feeling like I need to make steps forward instead of settling into the way my life is now. I love stability, I love comfort but sometimes that isn't the best thing for you.
So as it turns out 2014 has started off with a bit of a bang. There has been a lot of tough stuff swirling around my life recently, directly and indirectly. I have been faced with some really tough choices and some of my values have been tested in these two months. I'm finding out new things about myself I never realized were true. I think through adversity comes strength and you're only growing when you're learning. I have literally been to hell and back in the 27 years of my life and I feel like there's nothing in life you can't work out with family, good friends and beliefs. OK fine maybe some good alcohol and a good shopping spree as well if I'm being honest......
Along with my other failure with heels, the one other beauty/girly thing I can never master is my hair. I've never been one of those people who have been able to do anything with my hair, for some reason I just missed that gene in my life. I can put it into a pony tail, blow dry it or let it go and most of the time it ends up like this:
I love getting my hair done because I love the finished look I get, but in my real life I prefer a more boho look which is great because when I blow dry my hair then sleep, it mostly ends up looking alright. I always wish I was one of those girls who could curl or braid my hair all nice but I just don't have the patience for it.
I own a curling iron and a straightener, but I end up looking like I was struck by lightening when I try to do that beachy wave thingy to my hair. I honestly cannot figure out how to do make my hair look like I haven't electrocuted myself, or how to make it all look not done by a 5 year old.
My goal for this weekend is to watch at least 2 of those hair tutorials on YouTube and try to make myself look like a real person. When I get my hair actually done it looks good, which proves it can be done, but I need to try to move that into my real life since I'm a grown up now.
I'll keep y'all updated and take pictures once I'm done, you're on the edge of your seat I know.
OK, the more I've gotten lost in the endless gorgeous blogs out there the more I've come to feeling blah lately. I think we can get lost in the beautiful and shiny and forget the reality of the life we live sometimes.
I've found myself hours deep in blog jumping that I realize I am in no way sophisticated or skinny enough to ever be happy in life before I shake my brain around and realize that this is MY life not theirs. These girls are fun, smart and REAL. They have adventures and take opportunities when they present themselves and that is the lesson, not how skinny or gorgeous am I not. I love beauty and adventure, but you have to realize it comes in all forms.
I love looking at these awesome girls and realizing there is so much more out there and getting inspiration instead of getting lost in the vanity of it all. I look at fashion blogs and am able to pick out how those work on my body, and how do I adapt that look to work for me. I see these things as my art instead of my goal and that's how I stay sane.
I think you can spend hours with Rosie and come out of it feeling like you shouldn't eat for weeks and need to get to the hair stylist ASAP, or you can read it like an exciting book or treasure map that just creates more possibilities and dreams for your own life.
I think instead of looking at these people through glass, you take them as real people who just have a love for life and inspiration for love. I think you can look at Nicolette Mason's blog and get that same love for fashion and art as you can from any fashion or travel magazine you pick up off a shelf.
Do y'all remember when snow days were the best days ever? You got off school, mom would let you go play outside and then you'd come inside for hot chocolate and cuddling on the couch. Yeah well those days are over.
Now to me snow days are having to go outside and shovel or trying to slip and slide my way to work. There's waiting in lines in grocery stores with all the crazy mofo's who are stocking up for the end of the world. The only time all the organic, brown eggs are gone from the grocery store is on these days and that shit just pisses me off.
They're calling for a lot of snow in my area tonight into tomorrow and I'm trying to figure out what to do with my life. I miss the sunshine and the warmer weather. I hate shoveling, I have the way my car slides on snow, and yes I'm whining but whatever.
OK, I had a great weekend, I didn't do a lot, but I finally got out of the sweats on a Saturday night and re-entered the modern world. What I figured out was a hard truth: I'm not stoked about my personal appearance lately.
I've never been a skinny chick, it's just never been in the plan for me, and I love eating crap too much. As a lover of fashion, you realize real quick when you can't buy anything fab because you don't fit the mold of what that style looks great in. I also have always been a sucker for a great lifestyle and the natural, zen way of living but I can crush a bag of tortilla chips and queso like no other.
I'm a confident chick, I've lost and gain weight in the past, but I rock what whatever I'm dealing with. I've run two half marathons and I can go hard in the gym, but for some reason lately I've just felt like a failure at this whole healthy living, fitness thing.
I think it's time I slap my not-so-tiny ass into gear and get my fitness together. I have a lot going on and I'm determined to move forward for ME and push myself. My one insecurity in life is my weight (thanks Dad) and the only way you can have insecurities is if you let them in. I am not going to let this win. You need to have a goal as my girl Jillian Michaels will tell you, and I'm an incredibly vain person at the end of the day and looking hot this summer is mine.
I don't have a lot to post about today, or yesterday for that matter. We've had a pretty crappy winter already in my neck of the woods, and I've never been a believer in that whole "winter time blues" thing but I find myself in it this year. I feel unmotivated and out of sorts it would seem. It may be because this is the first time in 2 years I don't have a big race planned so there's no huge goal to motivate me. I just find myself kind of wanting to cuddle up in my house and never leave, preferably with Tim Riggins or a good book.
Speaking of books, yesterday during my ice storm I read Divergent cover to cover, and although it's not my favorite, I am curious and will be running out to buy the next two this weekend.
I need to get myself out of this funk and move forward, but there's more snow coming...........
I really wish I was more intelligent and watched TV shows not on Bravo, ok not really. I love these dysfunctional, 30 something waiters and waitresses who keep sleeping together. I love Stassi's insanely violent mind inside that gorgeous face. I love anything where Lisa Vanderpump can do fun quips. So until next season my loves!
OK, the Super Bowl was boring as hell y'all and I barely watched it. What I did watch was my man Bruno Mars tear up the halftime show. That was the only shining moments about the Super Bowl other than my texts with CBK.
Was it better than Beyonce last year, probably not, but it was still really good for me, well done Bruno. I am starting a campaign for a One Direction, Sit Paul and Ringo halftime show next year, bring the Brits in to rock out!!
I can't take a selfie of my outfit today, I'm over looking at myself and it's Monday, it includes leopard print.