Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Allow me to reintroduce myself.....

My name is HOV.....no wait, it's not.
To get to know me a little better, here is who I am in photos:

That about sums it up.


Monday, October 28, 2013

Texas Forever

So this weekend has been interesting, Friday we found out a relative had passed away, and we found out via Facebook, yep that is the fun side of the family we don't deal with.  I got to find out that sometimes when someone dies that you don't have a great relationship with it still hurts, but what else do you do but bounce back with insane organizing, room planning, and a girls movie night?

My best friend's brother just got back from Texas and now she wants to go. Little does she know that me and my twin/bff/little sister I never had CBK have been planning a trip to the Lone Star state forever.  I have this fascination with Texas, and I'm convinced my future husband is wearing a flannel shirt and boots down there.

While on the Texas note, I have a hair appointment on Wednesday, and I currently looks like someone who hasn't been properly maintained/doesn't care about her hair.  I have always been a blonde, my blonde hair has been passed down from my grandfather and is my thing.  Everyone else in my family has brown hair, but I'm the one who always looked adopted.  I want a change and when I say change there's no way in hell I am dying my hair dark.

I have longish hair right now, and I'm dying to cut it, but everytime I do I regret it the next day when I try to style it again.  My hair skills are at a kindergarden level so I need something that is low maintence.  So the choices that I have come up with are as follows.

For Color:
And cut choices:

And bringing it back to Texas with Miss Courtney Kerr:
Ok I'm obsessed with this lady, she is southern, gorgeous, hilarious and independent.  After Most Eligible Dallas was on I stalked her website because the way she dresses is AH-Mazing and I was SOOOO excited to hear she got her own show Courtney Loves Dallas

She also adopted the cutest doggie Fancy, which she always Instagrams about and anyone who knows me knows I'm a sucker for people who post pictures of their doggies.

She's a Dallas girl, and I'm convinced my new BFF so theres yet another reason that I need to head south ASAP and see what that big state is all about.

Texas forever

p.s. if you have an opinion on the hair choices please share!!!

Friday, October 25, 2013

Songs of the soul...

Does anyone have songs that define them, songs that have followed them around and been important parts of their lives?  Music has always been a very significant thing in my life, I've been surrounded by music my whole life, both my parents have pretty good taste in music, and for me music has always been my "thing".  I can't draw, paint, or play an instrument (that flute I had for 7 years doesn't count) but music, I can always do music.

The first music I can remember my mom always listening to is Patsy Cline, I would listen to her sing "Crazy" all the time, it's burned into my brain.  My mom loved those old school, epic heart breaking songs and this one will always be one that reminds me of her.

Whenever my family took road trips, which was often, both my sister and I would sit in the back and "sleep" and my parents would sit up front and listen to music and sing together.  They always thought I was sleeping but I was usually listening while my sister used me as a human pillow.  Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons was also something my mom knew she could play and my dad would sing.  So many of these songs remind me of sitting in the back seat of my dad's car listening to my parents sing together but this one, this one was one of my dad's favorites.

For me, in my life, my high school years were defined by Fallout Boy's album "Under the Cork Tree" was the album that was my life.  All my friends were just getting our driver's licenses, we were driving out of the school parking lot (entirely too fast) blasting this album, even when it was too cold to have the windows down, we did.  This song reminds me of driving around in my best friends Volvo, cruising through town hoping to pull up to that cute boy in a Jeep, and pretending we looked cool smoking the cigs we stole from someone (smoking is BAD).

The number one song that has defined such a big part of my life, that I have these memories that bring tears to my eyes and literally makes my heart squeeze is the Beach Boys "Surfer Girl".  My first concert was a Beach Boys concert and my family would go to see them whenever they were in town.  My dad absolutely loved them and he was beaming every time we would go, even though we basically knew their whole set list.

My dad wasn't an overly affectionate guy, he would barely hold my hand in public, he hated me hugging him in public so to piss him off I would do it in front of his business friends so I knew he couldn't pull away without looking like a dick.  But every single time we went to a  Beach Boys concert and they played "Surfer Girl" he would pull me to my feet (we were usually on the lawn) and he would put his arms around me and dance with me.  Every single time.  Those are the moments, minutes, where I would just close my eyes and be the happiest little girl in the world.


p.s. There are too many NSYNC and Britney songs that have meant something to me to add

Wednesday, October 23, 2013

What's love got to do with it

I was on a road trip with my Mommy this weekend going back to Pittsburgh to watch my Steelers play (and win, holla) and we got to talking about my love life, or lack thereof.  Ok, I've never been one to look for guys, the ones I've ended up with have kinda just falling into my lap before I pushed them out or  they jumped.

I don't have good taste in guys in general (sorry ex's if you're reading!).  I have a thing for bad boys or guys who only show their good side to me, and the times I've given that "nice guy" a shot I got bored.  I think there must be a delicate balance between the complete asshole and the goody guy but we're not there yet.  I don't spend my days worrying about finding a guy, I've been blessed to have a great life, I have fun and I like doing things on my own.

My mom was saying how she's not ready for grandkids, and I pointed out that since I am 27 and single, that isn't coming anytime soon.  After I said that it actually dawned on me that I've never been properly in love, I've thought I was in love with a guy who probably (definitely) wasn't in love with me, but I've never been blissfully, hit over the head in love.

My wonderful mother, being the voice of reason she is, reminded me that we are the same.  She reminded me that she had never been in love with a guy and barely dated before she met my dad.  She was fiercely independent like I am (it's hereditary) and just always thought her life would go on just the same and she would've been OK with that.  She reminded me that her and my dad were best friends, she was not interested in him and after some time he had to inform her that they were in love and then she finally realized it was true.

We are modern people, yet society makes you feel like you should be in love and married before the age of 30 as a woman.  I cannot imagine anyone coming into my life to make me want to change the awesome things I get to do right now, but I know that if it happens I'll embrace it.  I don't want to date online, it creeps me out, sorry it's not for me.

I'm happy alone, I know that's against the society norm but I am. If I want to wake up at noon on a Saturday and lay on my couch watching Game of Thrones all day I do it.  If I want to go out until 4 am with my girls, I do it.  I like not answering to anyone.

I know I'll get those questions whenever I run into someone I haven't seen for a while, I'll smile and tell them "no I'm still single" and they'll give me a courtesy smile, but they have no idea how lucky I am.  I have built a life all by myself, I have done things alone that some people would not be able to handle alone.  I have gone through life creating amazing relationships that have not been severed by a break-up or awkwardness.

I'll deal with a dude when it happens, until then I will continue to base my love life off of the things I learned from The Hills like every rationale person in my generation.


Tuesday, October 15, 2013

Everything that kills me makes me feel alive.....

So Saturday was the dreaded half marathon (I know, FINALLY she'll stop talking about it).

Friday I worked half day, then headed to the convention center to pick up my packet with my bff and go to our carb load lunch, now as someone who has been practicing paleo eating the last 3 weeks, it was very difficult to get through that bowl of pasta.  The it was home for some relaxing and early to bed. Saturday, 6am, I get up, get myself together and head to bff's house because her awesome mom was driving us down, we ate bagels with peanut butter and had water on the way down.

Ran into this nice man first thing, a little "Good Morning Bmore" for ya

Bff and I headed to the harbor, near our starting area, sat near the water for a few and just relaxed.  We had a couple bathroom breaks, then we started getting into our pens where we would start.  I got this terrible deja vu thing, but kept reminding myself that this year would be better than last year, I was ready.
Around 9:50pm we started walking to the starting line, we got closer and it was time to turn on the tunes, zone out, and GO.  Now I have to say, I wasn't prepared to run the whole 13.1 miles, I thought we'd get to around 7-8, take a break and walk, then run it in the last 2-3 miles.  Well, we battled the hills, we saw my mommy jumping and waving her sign around mile 3, and when mile 8 rolled around we just kept going.  I can't explain what happened, I don't know how I did it, but we got to mile 12, saw bff's mom and cousin, and realized WE DID IT.  We crossed that finish line (I was listening to Beyonce's "Run the World) and realized we ran the whole damn thing.  THE WHOLE DAMN THING PEOPLE.  I ran 13.1 miles, I'm sorry even typing that I'm in shock.

I have to say my playlist, and following the group of people helped me just zone the hell out and keep moving.  This is how I got through 13.1 miles:

Oh and this is the finish line, I look dunzo:
Now, what's my next adventure?


Thursday, October 10, 2013

Ed Sheeran and my love life....

Ok, so this week I've noticed myself listening to Ed Sheeran, like all the time, I can't stop.  I have a love for people who sing so well AND write their own music.  I got his album years ago, and it's always been there, but for some reason it's all I've had on repeat lately.  

And Harry is one of his bffs

The last time I listened to something so endlessly it was Coldplay, I was in college trying to get over a dude who did not treat me great, and I literally listened all day.  Now I am hopelessly single at the moment, nothing is going on, so the only explanation is that I possibly want a guy to make me feel the way Ed Sheeran sings?  I'm so happy right now, my life is going great, I am feeling strong, I am without conflict, but OK?  

I am a huge believe and letting things happen, everything is fate, and the Internet is too fuckin scary to date on.  I will not go there, I would rather be 100, alone, with 50 cats.  Maybe this is about taking challenges, being a "yes" person, doing things I'm scared of.  Maybe what I'm missing is the adventure, so it's time to start looking.


Tuesday, October 8, 2013

Plans for the week

So here's the thing, my half marathon is on Saturday, so my plans for the week are as follows:

and this

and a lot of this

and maybe a little of this
until the fun part on Thursday and Friday when I get to do this

Because to get through this half marathon you've gotta


Monday, October 7, 2013

My Monday.....

So here's the thing, I know it's Monday, and Monday may mean something different for each person. I've never been someone who loved them in my life, but I will explain why Monday is always going to be my least favorite day. (I'm sorry this is kinda a downer, depends on how you look at it)

Monday is always the day my life was irrevocably shattered, the day my life changed and there was absolutely no going back.

 Now my dad was diagnosed with basically the worst kind of brain cancer you can have in June of 2010, from that point on I felt like I was living in a haunted house, you literally never knew what was coming around a corner to scare you more.  I never had the sense that he was going to die, but I knew it was over (crazy?), a piece of me knew.  The next 11 months was a roller coaster, I know that's so cliche but there really isn't any other way to put it.  I always think about it as Splash Mountain at Disney, you get on knowing there is going to be that huge fall at the end, but the small falls  in the beginning distract you along the way.

There was the before the initial surgery when I had to say goodbye because he may not make it.

There was after surgery when I had to sit by his bed holding his hand staring at a heart monitor because he might not make it.

There was when they told us they would start chemo, but he might not make it.

There was when he wasn't responding to chemo that he might not make it.

There was going through two rounds of radiation and then getting the MRI results saying the cancer was spreading that he might not make it.

There was the blood clot scare that I had to say goodbye because he might not make it.

There was the dinner we told him we had to move him into a hospice because he might not make it.

There was every day I walked out of that hospice for two months saying goodbye because he might not make it.

Finally, there was that phone call, that secretary rushing into my classroom, and me finding my sister crying in a stairwell waiting for our coach/family friend to drive us to the hospice because he wasn't going to make it.

That Monday in May 2011, I walked into that room, saw my dad wasn't going to make it and holding his hand and crying for hours.  There was that moment my mom asked my sister and I to go down the hall because she wanted to be with my dad, and I kissed him and said goodbye knowing he wasn't going to make it. That moment I walked back in the room to kiss him goodbye because he didn't make it.

That is what Monday is for me, Monday is always going to be that last drop on Splash Mountain, that huge way down.

The part that I hold onto is that part where you get off the ride, let yourself air dry and you keep going


p.s. Sorry so sad, I was inspired by a close close friend who was speaking about her "Monday"

Friday, October 4, 2013

Feels like a marathon.....

OK so here's the thing, last year I "ran" the Baltimore Half Marathon, and it was HELL. Maybe it was the person I ran it with (YES!), maybe it was the course (where the eff did these hills come from) or maybe it was the lack of real life training (What a few miles then it's all adrenaline) but it was not a good time.  The lady I was going to run it with last year tore her ACL, therefore I was stuck with the other girl, whom bitched and moaned the whole 13.1 miles, which is too mother freakin long.

It isn't great, but this year I'm going in with a new attitude, a new running partner and some new shoes, I can do this.
 I never want to see another 13.1 miles unless it leads to this:
Or this:

The marathon is October 12th, so the next few blogs may be my last......