Dream dream dream

Ok have you ever had one of those dreams that is so vivid you can't get it out of your head?  Yeah I had one of those....

Now it would've been all the drinks I consumed last night, but I rarely remember my dreams so this one has me completely thrown off and my mind going. 

 One of my best friends from high school has essentially disappeared from existence, no one hears from her, no one really talks to her.  I dreamt that it was her little brother's engagement party and me and my other best friend from high school went.  Halfway through said party this friend walks in, I literally am walking toward her to give her the biggest hug ever when she walks past me to hug our other friend and doesn't even look at me, when I ask her what is wrong she says "Erin I hate you, you made me feel horrible about myself in high school". 

......Ok this has made me start going through my brain catalog all day, thinking about if this is true or not.  Now of course it isn't, we were super close, but it just made me feel really bad.  I was in no means a bully or someone who was mean for no reason in high school, but if I didn't like you I didn't really give you the time of day.  I had a great group of friends who I had been with forever and I'm a very blunt person by nature but I never went after people or would make anyone feel bad about themselves.  

I really loved this girl so it's hard for me to think that she would even ever be mad at me, needless to say it's been haunting me all morning.

blurry prom pic (dream friend is the second from the right)

I've been having this evaluation on myself all week, am I too blunt, am I not nice enough, etc.  I am a lot like my Dad in this respect, if I love you I will go to the ends of the earth for you, if I don't like you, just keep it moving.  I tend to make very quick decisions on people which probably isn't the best idea, but it's me and going with my gut on people hasn't lead me on many wrong paths.  

I need to go for a long run (ew) to clear my head, but I have zero motivation.  I am doing the Race for Hope for Brain Cancer in DC in May that I do every year in honor of my Dad, and the half marathon is only getting closer, but all I want to do is lay on my couch and search for puppies on PetFinder.......hmmmm

xoxo,

Me

I saw the sign....

Well Happy Sunday world, it's been a bit of forever again since I blogged but I was inspired this morning/afternoon.....

Life has been going by pretty quickly again, a lot of changes at my job and a lot of activity in general, it's coming up on that time of the year where I end up reflecting on where I was 10 years ago with my dad.  It's INSANE to think it's been 10 years since that whole thing went down, feels like yesterday and 100 years ago all at the same time.  I have to say it helped me grow up and broke me down all at the same time.  Watching the strongest and most stable man you've ever had in your life physically and mentally break down due to brain cancer when you are 16 isn't what is supposed to happen, but who gets to choose these things?

All this had me thinking about signs, things that I remember seeing in my life that made me always stop for a minute but then I didn't give it a second thought.

yep that was the first thing I thought of........

My dad loved Meet Joe Black the movie about a man being followed by death in a human form of Brad Pitt.  The concept always completely freaked me out, but every time it was on my dad just had to watch it.  In the movie Sir Antony Hopkins is a ruthless businessman who loves his daughter and is trying to show death what real life is like.  There is a scene at the end of the movie when Hopkins gives a goodbye speech to his daughter, and it would always wreck me, I would put my head on my dad and just sob, and now it just clicks for some reason.  My dad could never accept that he was leaving us, could never formally say goodbye in any way, and that is something I am grateful for, but this obsession with this movie makes so much more sense now.

My mom found my house before I did, I was 24 and had only been in my job for around 6 months when my mom drove me through a newly developed neighborhood and was saying just for fun we should run into the model.  The thought of buying a house wasn't in my thought process and I kicked and screamed the whole way to the door, but when I went in, everything clicked, everything felt right, and I knew that was what I wanted.  I knew I couldn't afford it, so I put it out of my mind and went about my life, until another 6 months passed, I got my new job, a considerable raise, and suddenly the house was in my price range.  My mom dragging me is always a sign, she did the same thing with my prom dress.

My grandfather wasn't a big jewelry man, he wore his wedding ring, maybe a watch, but he was a simple man.  He loved me so much, and my whole life was such a great force of stability for me (which I didn't realize until he was gone) but he was very over-protective and smothering to my mother sometimes.  When we would go visit he would make my sister and I sit beside him, let us watch whatever we wanted on TV but just wanted to be with us.  About a month before my dad got sick I noticed my grandfather had this goofy looking colored bracelet on his wrist.  When I asked him about it he said it was a Chinese evil eye bracelet that my grandmother had ordered out of a magazine and it was supposed to protect him.  I was so enthralled that he immediately took it off his wrist and put it on mine, he wanted me to keep it on always, and I promised I would.  Little did I know then that I would need it to protect me, I still have it in the front pocket of my purse.

It's so weird to think about all of these things that happened that pushed me in the right direction.  Part of me wishes I was more religious for that freedom of putting my life into a higher beings hands and just letting go, but the cynic and the Virgo in me hasn't allowed that yet.  We will see, but I know I'm beginning to keep my eyes open, and jamming out to a lot of Ace of Base just in case.....

xoxo,
me

New year, new.....something

Happy New Year party people, I took a blog hiatus for a while, one in part because I haven't had anything interesting to say, the other to reassess if I actually wanted to throw myself back into the blog world.  Well I'm in!

I spent New Years with the same amazing people I ended up spending last years with, a few added significant others, but it was a very low key night, aside from me spilling champagne all over my face and doing wall squats.

I didn't make any huge resolutions, signing up for the half marathon again, continuing to better myself, same old same old.

OK so let's discuss the Golden Globes.  Now most people that I love know I love all things celebrity and fashion so this is my favorite time of the year.
Now I will freely admit I have had a certifiable girl crush on Jennifer Lawrence since I saw her on the red carpet in these:

(Calvin Klein)

(Marchesa,Victoria Beckham, Tom Ford)

And most importantly this:

(Prabal Gurung)

I mean COME ON! Lady is GORGEOUS and she's from Louisville, Kentucky, and I have some roots in Kentucky as well.  Now I couldn't wait to see her at the globes, especially after her Critics Choice Awards dress was awesome and then I saw her:

(Dior Couture)

Now, the makeup, hair and jewels are fab! The color and belt are as well, the boobs are my hold up.  Now she can do no wrong in my eyes but I mean Dior could've made this a little more flattering in the chest area for my girl.

I think my ladies Tina and Amy were amazing, I love love love the drunk sketch, of course! Tina Fey is looking super skinny and Amy is just gorgeous and has the best comedic timing ever!!!

My favorite part would have to be the Will Ferrell and Kristen Wigg moment-can they host something together?!?!

Now for Jodie Foster. I mean I have never understood her, my mom is obsessed so I've seen basically every movie but I've never been a fan.  Now her being honored was enough, her looking great in Armani was enough, but the LONG speech that I needed to get a deep thinking translator to explain was pushing me over the edge.  If she admitted to being a lesbian, great. If she said bye to her mother, great. If she retired from acting, great, but I HAVE NO CLUE WHAT SHE SAID!!!

oh my goal is to blog more

xoxo,

Me

Thanks to you...

Hello world it's been quite a while, I'd love to say a ton has happened but it's me we're talking about.

I have always love, love, loved Thanksgiving, there are no gift expectations, everyone makes good food and you get to be lazy.  This year I have decided to be sober until December 8th weekend, self imposed sobriety stemming from a night in the city which was a little out of control for me.  Whenever you wake up and have to apologize it's not a great thing.  Wednesday night I went out with my closest friends to a local place, watched them be drunk messes and had an all around good time.

Thanksgiving was nice since my sister is a nurse and does not get to spend it with us often, she was home and we had a great dinner.  My mom woke me up at 3:45 am on Black Friday to go shopping, yep she's batshit crazy, but I love her.  Now a quick trip to Victoria Secret (for me) and Coach (for mom), I was basically done with my Christmas shopping. My sister is the worst person to shop with, unless it's for her, so we ran around the mall until around 10am when we finally came home.

I basically spent the rest of the weekend doing what I usually do, hanging out with my couch and my friends.

Now we're finalizing New Years eve plans and I've decided I'm not making resolutions this year, I am making a bucket list to get me out of my comfort zone, beware it's pretty shallow:

1. Make more money (either via raise or even another job)
2. Change my hair up (either by color or cut, probably cut since being blonde makes me happy)
3. Start dressing like I want to rather then how I think I should (more options, hence making more money)
4. Kiss more boys that aren't "my type" (aka don't judge, just do, hell I'm still single why not)
5. Be a classier drinker (aka start drinking like an old man, think bourbon and good wine)
6. Go on more adventures (try more day trips, find cute places to do dinner and drinks)
7. Be less hermit-like (I love living alone but I need to make more of an effort to invite people into my home)
8. Be nicer (I'll try)
9. Figure out what I really want (Seriously I have no clue)
10. Travel somewhere not for work by myself (hello Cali)

xoxo,
Me

Taking a minute to smell the roses....

Why helllllllo bloggers,  I've been MIA for a while, busy life lately.  I've had a hard time getting myself to sit down and actually blog lately with how busy I've been at work and at play.

So half-marathon training came to a head the other day, finished my first half-marathon and I have a few takeaways to share with the group:

1. Know thy course-take a look at the route you are running before you actually run it, it will help with training, if I would've known my marathon would go through every hill they could find in Baltimore I would've been running hills more then I was and not dying

2. Make sure you do not wear something new-I rocked a new UA shirt I bought the night before and I was basically uncomfortable the whole run, I should have stuck with my routine outfit for running so there wouldn't be anything distracting

3. Run in similar conditions as the actual marathon is going to be-my run was at 10ish AM, 10AM in October is COLDDDD people, I am not a morning runner but I would've been less shocked by the cold had I run more often in the morning

4. Build a playlist that will keep you going-I was running for months in advance and I knew which songs in my Ipod would push me and which songs I'd be scrambling for the skip button, believe me after 8 miles music and the people around you are the only things keeping you going, which brings me to......

5. Run with a POSITIVE buddy-when you are pushing your body to a point and you are doing something pretty extreme you need to be doing it with someone who you enjoy and pushes you right back, I ran with someone I am not a huge fan of and she basically bitched the entire time and did nothing to make the experience more pleasant, it's hard to push yourself when you have someone holding you back

Now the half-marathon is like child labor I imagine, you forget how terrible it is afterward that you think you want to do it again, and I probably will, it was a cool experience even though my feet are so banged up I can barely walk.  Checking something like that off my bucket list was a great feeling and I have the medal to show it.

And yes I took off of work today because my hair was a mess and it was too late to do anything with it, sometimes we all need a day off.....

Xoxo,
Me

Single Smingle

Alright, so let the record state I am not a boyfriend girl,  I've never really thought I needed one, I've only really dealt with the dudes I have been "official" with.  To me I'd rather have great friends because I have seen people make all those fantastic memories with a person, then go through a whole terrible or even not terrible break up and then they lose everything with that person.  With friends you don't lose those memories, and you feel the same when you recall said memories.

I also haven't met many people I am willing to answer to, I am fiercely independent and don't care to explain myself to people, even my own family, I do my own thing.

Diatribe aside, my best friend notified me the other day it was National Singles Day or something of that nature and my first thought, "EWWWWWWWWWW".

Being ::cough cough:: 26 now and seeing as society has not evolved as much as I would like, I get asked about my status on a daily basis.  Now, not that I'm ashamed but it would be nice once and a while to get that giddy, "yes I have a boyfriend" thing.  Now I would never go out and grab the nearest male just to fill that void but you know once and a while it's there, usually until I realize that men are like puppies and I'm not ready for responsibility.

So having that weird sinking feeling like I was wearing a Scarlett S on my chest for single most of the day I did what most single girls do, I listened to John Mayer at work endlessly, got my hair highlighted and cut, bought sushi I can't afford, poured a huge glass of red wine and am now watching mindless TV.  Then I remember, I am now watching TV, eating sushi I can't afford and drinking wine in a house, I bough, myself, at 25.  DAMMIT I'm an independent woman!!

xoxo,
Me

P.S. I solemnly swear to blog more often

Here we got 26.....

Ok, so apparently there is a justified reason I never want to celebrate my birthday, drama seems to follow.  This year was no different.  Now don't get me wrong the very mature case race idea was fun, started without a hitch, a bunch of my favorite people in one place including my 2 oldest best friends, and plenty of beer.  I always forget the automatic anxiety attack I have whenever anyone spills anything in my house still, but I have a good poker face and drunk people always=mess.

My 2 oldest best friends and me on my Bday

The case race was fun, no one was really paying attention basically just socializing, the purple team won (not me) and then everyone was pretty buzzed to say the least. Then the drama started.  Now I have great friends but there is always one that gets bored and decides to start stuff, then my other friends jump in and it turns into me screaming at the kid in my basement.  Never fails, bday drama.  I am living the best life right now with no room for people who cause chaos so not my thing.  Then everyone had designated drivers come get them and trickled out leaving me to fight with the kid until around 4am when he finally left with a driver.

.......Then came the 2 day hangover, proving I am getting old, dammit.  Needless to say, not the best weekend of my life but I am so lucky to have the best friends a girl can ask for that make everything better.  I got some of the best birthday gifts and cards which are always a good thing.  Now it's onto my new year of being 26.

I got my mid-year review at work which went really well, I am lucky to really enjoy my job and my manager says I have a calming force on my team (what?) as well as having a lot of leadership potential.  My company really believes in me and I don't hate going to work everyday.  I also won negotiation call of the month for the 3rd month in a row, which means I earn a "work from home"day, which basically means a "sleep in and hang around my cell phone and lap top in case my manager calls" day.  Always a good thing to save for after a late night Steeler game!! (happy birthday to me!)

Speaking of which, 1 more week until STEELER season!!!! Now I already got my one championship this year with my UK Cats, but another Superbowl would not suck!!  And I think 26 only holds more good things for me!!

xoxo,
Me