I like to pretend I'm zen, like I can use my former yoga tools and take deep breaths and process information. I'm not a violent person but I immediately go toward how I am going to physically harm the person who hurt my person. Now I am not, clearly, but I need a moment to process what is going on and how I am going to save my friend.
This being said, unfortunately I am not a religious person, the Catholic religion is not a part of my fan club, so I have always been on that search for what I do believe. I became quite obsessed with this when I was in high school, basically scaring my mother to death with the library books I was bringing home and studying. My top Google search was for the closest Buddhist temple in my area.
I believe in faith, I believe that it is something that guides us through life and is a presence in everything. What that faith is for me is still unclear. I was raised very Catholic, so much so that when I broke my arm when I was 5 I asked my sister to pray because I literally thought that made everything better. Sometimes I wish I felt differently, and I think I am going to find my faith again, but right now me and religion are on a temporary time out.
I turn to yoga, to principles of Buddhism and pull from every religion in order to get through the tough times. I use the power of my family and my will to get through life when it seems impossible. I feel like I will get back to believing that this is all in God's plan and taking a step back toward some sort of relationship with religion, but unfortunately all the events in my life have steered me away for the time being.
My dream is to one day go to India and spend time in a ashram or temple just meditating and praying. I want to have that silent moment in my life when I can literally find peace. I know I should be doing it now but now is the grind time in my life.
xoxo,
me
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