Categories of friends

Does everyone categorize their friends?  I mean I have been lucky enough in my life to have friends who have gotten me through the best and the worst of times.  I have friends I never expected and friends who I knew would always stick by my side.

Friends category #1-The Lifers (BD-before dad)

I have 2 specific best friends who have literally been in my life for most of my life.  I met them when I was starting life.  I met them when I was ugly (no seriously ugly) with braces and glasses.  I had them when I first fell in like with a boy.  I had them when I first kissed a boy.  They were the ones who loved me through the horrible middle school days. They were the ones who held me when my dad was diagnosed with cancer, held me while I went through my dad having cancer, and held me when my dad died.  They are the ones I might not see for a long time, but every time I do, I realize why they are the ones who are lifers.

The "later in lifers"

These are the girls I developed at the end or after college.  I became a very different person after my dad died, I understood being lost, I understood a damaged family, I understood why some of those girls at school had it harder than I had.  I may have never considered these girls in high school, I had my group of "lifers" and wasn't so interested in others.  These girls I found after I turned 21, when I was going out back in my hometown and found them in a bar.  They are the ones who know me, grown up, flawed as hell and a fully developed person. I have sat on a floor and cried with these girls over bottles of wine, I have met random dudes and laughed more than I ever have in my life with these girls.  I have learned how to celebrate my birthday and theirs with these girls.  I am so lucky that these girls mean the world to me and I would ride or die for these girls.  I don't know how I would navigate my adult life without these girls, we have grown up talks and grown up problems.  I am so lucky to have them.  These girls are my life AD (after Dad), they know what I went through but they weren't specifically in the middle of the tornado that was my dad's illness.

My forever friends
My mom and sister- thats it, when the world ends it's everyone for themselves and me for them, thats it, they are my life, my soul, my everything, period

xoxo,
Me

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Fridays from the couch

Alrighty, so hello, it's Friday and I'm still sick. At least the whole strep thing has moved into a full out cold so I am watching TV, catching up on work from home, and doing this.  Now if anyone follows me on twitter you know my love of all things singing reality talent shows (The Voice, X Factor).  I have moved beyond American Idol for the most part, I can't deal with the new judges and the Mariah vs. Nicki thing got old quick

My love of these things come from my obsession with music, all music, but finding new music talents or watching them from where it all started is my favorite thing ever.  Back in the summer of 2011 when I cracked my ankle I found X factor in the UK on YouTube, and there I fell in love with Cheryl Cole, Cheryl Lloyd, Rebbecca Ferguson and One Direction (gasp) all in one fell swoop.  Then when One Direction started blowing up I fell more in love with these guys, they're just fun, and Harry is growing up to be HOT.

I mean come onnnnnnn

Anyways, I love, love, love hearing what these guys do with old songs, how they flip them and it turns into something so cool and new.  I love hearing new voices sing some of my favorite songs, and I also will watch anything Adam Levine is a part of, duh.

I also think the UK is just ahead of the US when it comes to pop music, we are finally catching up now with One Direction, Ed Sheeran, and Little Mix, but they have had these guys for a while.  This music fills my ITunes next to Bob Marley, John Mayer, The Beatles, Eminem, and so many more.  I love music, that is what keeps me going, I was never good in art class, but give me music and we're good to go.

And if you are looking for style inspiration, X factor UK has a companion show featuring Caroline Flack.

I'm obsessedddd with the way she dresses, and apparently there was some huge scandal when she dated Harry Styles when she was 33 and he was like 19 so she is also my idol.  Well, hope everyone has a good weekend.

xoxo,
me

Guess who's back, back again....

Well laying on the couch has added a couple hours of bored therefore why not jump back into this land I've avoided for a while.

Hello world, why don't I reintroduce myself with doing a week in numbers:

100  Number of hours I've spent in front of the TV the last few days (I have strep throat)
13   The last time I can remember actually having strep throat in my life
50 Cups of Zen tea I've ingested over the last few days
 9 Number of Popsicles I've eaten in the last 2 days
7 Number of beers I ingested while on meds Monday night watching my Steelers lose to the Bengals (I'm not ready to talk about it)
4 Number of magazines I've flipped through
3 Number of times I've thought about then talked myself out of online dating (I don't like strangers enough to even attempt, I'd rather be alone)

1 Number of books I've read today (yes today)

OK that wasn't exactly life changing, in better news, I am going to make a commitment to try and be better about this, I have inspiration from my twin (holla CBK) and other life events to try and reopen the door of blogging, here goes nothing

xoxo,
Me

Dream dream dream

Ok have you ever had one of those dreams that is so vivid you can't get it out of your head?  Yeah I had one of those....

Now it would've been all the drinks I consumed last night, but I rarely remember my dreams so this one has me completely thrown off and my mind going. 

 One of my best friends from high school has essentially disappeared from existence, no one hears from her, no one really talks to her.  I dreamt that it was her little brother's engagement party and me and my other best friend from high school went.  Halfway through said party this friend walks in, I literally am walking toward her to give her the biggest hug ever when she walks past me to hug our other friend and doesn't even look at me, when I ask her what is wrong she says "Erin I hate you, you made me feel horrible about myself in high school". 

......Ok this has made me start going through my brain catalog all day, thinking about if this is true or not.  Now of course it isn't, we were super close, but it just made me feel really bad.  I was in no means a bully or someone who was mean for no reason in high school, but if I didn't like you I didn't really give you the time of day.  I had a great group of friends who I had been with forever and I'm a very blunt person by nature but I never went after people or would make anyone feel bad about themselves.  

I really loved this girl so it's hard for me to think that she would even ever be mad at me, needless to say it's been haunting me all morning.

blurry prom pic (dream friend is the second from the right)

I've been having this evaluation on myself all week, am I too blunt, am I not nice enough, etc.  I am a lot like my Dad in this respect, if I love you I will go to the ends of the earth for you, if I don't like you, just keep it moving.  I tend to make very quick decisions on people which probably isn't the best idea, but it's me and going with my gut on people hasn't lead me on many wrong paths.  

I need to go for a long run (ew) to clear my head, but I have zero motivation.  I am doing the Race for Hope for Brain Cancer in DC in May that I do every year in honor of my Dad, and the half marathon is only getting closer, but all I want to do is lay on my couch and search for puppies on PetFinder.......hmmmm

xoxo,

Me

I saw the sign....

Well Happy Sunday world, it's been a bit of forever again since I blogged but I was inspired this morning/afternoon.....

Life has been going by pretty quickly again, a lot of changes at my job and a lot of activity in general, it's coming up on that time of the year where I end up reflecting on where I was 10 years ago with my dad.  It's INSANE to think it's been 10 years since that whole thing went down, feels like yesterday and 100 years ago all at the same time.  I have to say it helped me grow up and broke me down all at the same time.  Watching the strongest and most stable man you've ever had in your life physically and mentally break down due to brain cancer when you are 16 isn't what is supposed to happen, but who gets to choose these things?

All this had me thinking about signs, things that I remember seeing in my life that made me always stop for a minute but then I didn't give it a second thought.

yep that was the first thing I thought of........

My dad loved Meet Joe Black the movie about a man being followed by death in a human form of Brad Pitt.  The concept always completely freaked me out, but every time it was on my dad just had to watch it.  In the movie Sir Antony Hopkins is a ruthless businessman who loves his daughter and is trying to show death what real life is like.  There is a scene at the end of the movie when Hopkins gives a goodbye speech to his daughter, and it would always wreck me, I would put my head on my dad and just sob, and now it just clicks for some reason.  My dad could never accept that he was leaving us, could never formally say goodbye in any way, and that is something I am grateful for, but this obsession with this movie makes so much more sense now.

My mom found my house before I did, I was 24 and had only been in my job for around 6 months when my mom drove me through a newly developed neighborhood and was saying just for fun we should run into the model.  The thought of buying a house wasn't in my thought process and I kicked and screamed the whole way to the door, but when I went in, everything clicked, everything felt right, and I knew that was what I wanted.  I knew I couldn't afford it, so I put it out of my mind and went about my life, until another 6 months passed, I got my new job, a considerable raise, and suddenly the house was in my price range.  My mom dragging me is always a sign, she did the same thing with my prom dress.

My grandfather wasn't a big jewelry man, he wore his wedding ring, maybe a watch, but he was a simple man.  He loved me so much, and my whole life was such a great force of stability for me (which I didn't realize until he was gone) but he was very over-protective and smothering to my mother sometimes.  When we would go visit he would make my sister and I sit beside him, let us watch whatever we wanted on TV but just wanted to be with us.  About a month before my dad got sick I noticed my grandfather had this goofy looking colored bracelet on his wrist.  When I asked him about it he said it was a Chinese evil eye bracelet that my grandmother had ordered out of a magazine and it was supposed to protect him.  I was so enthralled that he immediately took it off his wrist and put it on mine, he wanted me to keep it on always, and I promised I would.  Little did I know then that I would need it to protect me, I still have it in the front pocket of my purse.

It's so weird to think about all of these things that happened that pushed me in the right direction.  Part of me wishes I was more religious for that freedom of putting my life into a higher beings hands and just letting go, but the cynic and the Virgo in me hasn't allowed that yet.  We will see, but I know I'm beginning to keep my eyes open, and jamming out to a lot of Ace of Base just in case.....

xoxo,
me

New year, new.....something

Happy New Year party people, I took a blog hiatus for a while, one in part because I haven't had anything interesting to say, the other to reassess if I actually wanted to throw myself back into the blog world.  Well I'm in!

I spent New Years with the same amazing people I ended up spending last years with, a few added significant others, but it was a very low key night, aside from me spilling champagne all over my face and doing wall squats.

I didn't make any huge resolutions, signing up for the half marathon again, continuing to better myself, same old same old.

OK so let's discuss the Golden Globes.  Now most people that I love know I love all things celebrity and fashion so this is my favorite time of the year.
Now I will freely admit I have had a certifiable girl crush on Jennifer Lawrence since I saw her on the red carpet in these:

(Calvin Klein)

(Marchesa,Victoria Beckham, Tom Ford)

And most importantly this:

(Prabal Gurung)

I mean COME ON! Lady is GORGEOUS and she's from Louisville, Kentucky, and I have some roots in Kentucky as well.  Now I couldn't wait to see her at the globes, especially after her Critics Choice Awards dress was awesome and then I saw her:

(Dior Couture)

Now, the makeup, hair and jewels are fab! The color and belt are as well, the boobs are my hold up.  Now she can do no wrong in my eyes but I mean Dior could've made this a little more flattering in the chest area for my girl.

I think my ladies Tina and Amy were amazing, I love love love the drunk sketch, of course! Tina Fey is looking super skinny and Amy is just gorgeous and has the best comedic timing ever!!!

My favorite part would have to be the Will Ferrell and Kristen Wigg moment-can they host something together?!?!

Now for Jodie Foster. I mean I have never understood her, my mom is obsessed so I've seen basically every movie but I've never been a fan.  Now her being honored was enough, her looking great in Armani was enough, but the LONG speech that I needed to get a deep thinking translator to explain was pushing me over the edge.  If she admitted to being a lesbian, great. If she said bye to her mother, great. If she retired from acting, great, but I HAVE NO CLUE WHAT SHE SAID!!!

oh my goal is to blog more

xoxo,

Me

Thanks to you...

Hello world it's been quite a while, I'd love to say a ton has happened but it's me we're talking about.

I have always love, love, loved Thanksgiving, there are no gift expectations, everyone makes good food and you get to be lazy.  This year I have decided to be sober until December 8th weekend, self imposed sobriety stemming from a night in the city which was a little out of control for me.  Whenever you wake up and have to apologize it's not a great thing.  Wednesday night I went out with my closest friends to a local place, watched them be drunk messes and had an all around good time.

Thanksgiving was nice since my sister is a nurse and does not get to spend it with us often, she was home and we had a great dinner.  My mom woke me up at 3:45 am on Black Friday to go shopping, yep she's batshit crazy, but I love her.  Now a quick trip to Victoria Secret (for me) and Coach (for mom), I was basically done with my Christmas shopping. My sister is the worst person to shop with, unless it's for her, so we ran around the mall until around 10am when we finally came home.

I basically spent the rest of the weekend doing what I usually do, hanging out with my couch and my friends.

Now we're finalizing New Years eve plans and I've decided I'm not making resolutions this year, I am making a bucket list to get me out of my comfort zone, beware it's pretty shallow:

1. Make more money (either via raise or even another job)
2. Change my hair up (either by color or cut, probably cut since being blonde makes me happy)
3. Start dressing like I want to rather then how I think I should (more options, hence making more money)
4. Kiss more boys that aren't "my type" (aka don't judge, just do, hell I'm still single why not)
5. Be a classier drinker (aka start drinking like an old man, think bourbon and good wine)
6. Go on more adventures (try more day trips, find cute places to do dinner and drinks)
7. Be less hermit-like (I love living alone but I need to make more of an effort to invite people into my home)
8. Be nicer (I'll try)
9. Figure out what I really want (Seriously I have no clue)
10. Travel somewhere not for work by myself (hello Cali)

xoxo,
Me